Jarod Sedlak

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Artist: Horst Kohlem

The sound of laughter around the corner made Jed jump. For a moment he stood squinting in the dim light of the streetlamp. Then he leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed. He checked his watch. Only thirty seconds had passed since he last looked. Exactly nine minutes and twenty-three seconds since Talia had said she was going to the washroom. Exactly eighteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds until their train left Vienna for Lucerne, Switzerland.

He watched the digital numbers tick by, more anxious with each passing second. She’d now been in there ten full minutes. They still had to walk back to the hotel to get their bags and check out before hightailing it to the station. At least he’d insisted on packing before they left. Girls always took longer in the washroom – something Jed never understood but grudgingly accepted – but this was getting ridiculous.

Jed’s patience, already...

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{With a heavy heart I come before you, truly astonished by our state of affairs. It has nothing to do with inadequate school systems, the failing economy, or even the moral corruption of this great nation. No, this issue surpasses all else in a matter of urgency. It must be addressed: I am speaking, of course, about cellulite. I nearly feel faint at the sight of this abomination, but we all know that it is a serious detriment to our society. Simply speaking, we must stop cellulite before it takes over the world.

It’s nothing more than a composition of consumable food. At a mere 4.2857…calories per cookie, these infant biscuits are rather just the added addition of food that will cover my body in the despised form of cellulite in a few hours time.

But how unlikely that they would represent yet another matter much like the ever growing sight of metaphorical objects in our society

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